Which words should we avoid using as parents?

2016.06.30

There are a few words that parents end up using in front of their children that they shouldn’t.
Even if we, as parents, meant to use the words lightly they can cause large damage to our children.
Let’s explore which words are OK to use and which words should be avoided.

【1】 Words of Praise (In Japanese, “Kashikoi”, “Orikosan”)

When we praise our children we often up using certain words.
These words are not bad words but it is important that we are careful not to use them too much.
Children who are constantly called “kashikoi” and “orikosan” often feel pressure that they have to act a certain way.
So when they are unable to accomplish something they become upset. This may cause them to avoid taking challenges.

Parents who want their children to learn sports, music and a foreign language from a young age should be especially careful of how they praise their children.
When we praise our children it is important to use words like “you tried hard”, “you did your best”.

【2】”Don’t Cry”

Children cry suddenly and sometimes when we feel the crying is out of control we say “don’t cry”.
As adults, we understand that this means that they should not cry all the time or that they should calm down but when children hear these words, they take it to mean that they should never cry.

Crying is a way to show our emotions and relieve our stress. When your child cries, it is important that we listen to their reasoning instead of just telling them that it is wrong to cry.
When they are in the middle of a tantrum, it is often best to let them settle down before trying to talk to them.

Allowing children to settle themselves down will help them learn how to manage their feelings.

【3】”Behave or I will get angry!”

When children do not listen, we sometimes respond with “behave or I’ll get angry” and blame them. This type of language is damaging to children’s confidence. Using phrases, which threaten them, tend to create negative emotions.
Children also often begin to think that these phrases are a form of violence or threat.
Using words that are considered threatening will influence your child’s personality so whenever possible these types of words should be avoided.

【4】”Why did you do that!”

Children sometimes perform bizarre actions, which put adults in a hard position.
When this happens, many adults ask, “Why did you do that?” and get angry.
Many times children perform these actions because they want attention.
However, they are often unable to explain their reasoning.
Given that they cannot explain their actions makes them feel more negative.
When a child does something that is least expected, it is important for the adult around him/her to try to understand and behind him/her.

If you are currently using the phrases mentioned in this article, it does not mean that you are a bad mother.
These are phrases that everyone uses at times. Just like it is important that children understand their parents it is also important that parents understand their children.
Some parents feel comfortable if they the opportunity to talk to parents with kids the same age.
It is important to have someone to rely on and ask for advice when trying to raise your child or children.

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