How to Avoid Raising a Spoiled & Selfish Child

2017.08.28

A child’s personality is very influenced by the environment in which he/she is raised.
Let’s take a look at the characteristics of parents who have raised spoiled & selfish children and reconsider their methods. In this article, we will introduce which child-rearing methods are beneficial in preventing your child from becoming spoiled and selfish.

わがままな子どもにさせない親のあり方

Characteristics of parents who have raised spoiled and selfish children

1.Use of discipline methods that allow them to act spoiled and selfish
For example, when their child leaves over his/her vegetables because he/she does not want to eat them. In this situation, the majority of parents explain that eating vegetables makes your body strong and forces their child to eat everything on his/her plate.

However, parents who act in a way that is easy to raise a spoiled and selfish child, will often tell their child that they do not have to eat what they do not want to and take away their plate. In this case, children will learn that they can get away with not doing things that they do not want to do.

2.Interfering with every move and performing tasks for them
Even children who are younger than elementary school age try to help out with household chores like cleaning up their toys and will clean up on their own if they think that their parents will not do it for them. However, if their parents ask them to do certain tasks before they think of them on their own, children will lose their opportunity to think for themselves. Further, if parents feel that the tasks are dangerous for their children to perform and go ahead and perform them on their own, it will be difficult for their children to gain independence.

When children believe that their parents will tell them what to do and possibly do the tasks for them, they will begin to wait for their parents’ commands and for their parents to spoil them before they take their own actions. As a result, when their parents do not teach them something or do it for them, they get angry and act spoiled and selfish.

3.Not having a set schedule for meals and bedtime
Yesterday the family ate dinner at 7pm and today they are eating at 5pm. Yesterday the children went to bed at 9pm and today they will go to bed at 10pm. Does your family’s daily schedule change frequently? When mealtime and bedtime are not the same every day, children will want to eat when they want and go to bed when they want. If parents, follow their child’s wishes they will start to believe that they can do anything they want whenever they want. It is important for parents to let their children know that the daily schedule does not revolve around them and that they cannot always eat when they want to and go to bed when they want to.

How to teach your child to not be spoiled and selfish

1.When disciplining them it is important to give a reason and use nice words
When children who are spoiled and selfish are not given what they want they will often have a temper tantrum and may become angry and violent. If parents give in to these tantrums then children are likely to become even more spoiled and selfish. Instead, parents should stay calm and try not to become too emotional.

Parents can start by reminding their child that they previously told them they cannot do a certain activity in a quiet voice. This will allow the child to observe that their parent is speaking in a tone that they do not usually use because they are angry and they will stop to listen to what their parent has to say. By explaining why the action is wrong in easy to understand language it is more likely that your child will realize what they did was wrong and not fear their parents getting angry.

2.Place importance on their sense of independence
Although dangerous activities should be prevented, it is important for parents to give their children a sense of independence to choose their actions without interfering when possible. It is OK to ask if they need help for activities that may require a parent’s help and give them advice if they need it.

To prevent raising a spoiled and selfish child, it is important to take into consideration what type of daily life their parents lead and how they interact with their child. Most parents are extremely busy every day with work, child-rearing and household chores but when possible it is best to try all the suggestions above.

わがままな子どもにさせない親のあり方
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